Why You’re Really Afraid Of Speaking

Updated: Aug 20, 2019

By Dominique Oyston

Many women fear speaking in public. Whether it’s at an event or simply sharing your truthful opinion in a social situation, it can feel paralysing. In fact, many people are more afraid of public speaking than of death! But why is this such a deep phobia for people, particularly women?


My journey with fear


As a performer, I was often extremely nervous. I experienced all the symptoms – the shaking, the breath high in my chest, the tightness and the feeling of not being grounded in my body. But when I faced the truth (and it took quite a long time), I realised I was not afraid of any physical danger. Performing was not a threat to my wellbeing. What I was truly afraid of was myself. I was afraid that if I shared my true nature, my deeper soul nature, my passion for expression through music, that I would be too much and I would look foolish, reveal too much or make a mistake with that power from my inner self. I was afraid of my own spiritual power. It did not feel safe.


Marianne Williamson put it best when she said:

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?’


What I was truly afraid of was my divine self.


I think this is often why we join another course and gain another skill set instead of following our own inner guidance. It’s safer to keep learning rather than stand in our power. It’s why we stay up late watching TV to ‘reward’ ourselves for ‘working hard’ when we should be going to bed, meditating and preparing our power. And it’s why we tell ourselves we’re not ready for the next step and avoid visibility, instead of feeling the fear and doing it anyway.


Fear and the base chakra


Traditionally the base chakra is the energetic centre that expresses the key themes of ‘survival’ and ‘fear’. The energy here is a mixture of the vitality of the life force and the need to protect that life force.


When we feel fear in the base chakra, it’s a fear of ‘I won’t survive.’ This can be experienced physically, emotionally, energetically and mentally. The base chakra energy is on guard for any situation that may threaten your well-being. Even if the threat is imagined.


In speaking to share our message or our services, we are rarely facing real threats to our life but it feels dangerous. Our body responds with all sorts of physical and energetic symptoms to try and get us to run away from the imagined threat or to play dead to avoid attention.

This level of fear can be heard in your voice. Signs include:

  • A tight throat

  • Jaw tension

  • Teeth grinding

  • Quietness

  • Introversion

  • Not charging enough for your services

  • Feeling like others will judge you or that you will judge yourself

  • Resisting doing facebook 'lives' or getting on camera

  • Problems with communicating to manifest essentials - a home, car, sleep, food, money and other basic needs

  • Lack of life balance

  • A high set voice, with no depth or substance to the tone

  • No tribe to talk to, resulting in loneliness

  • Struggling to communicate your message to attract your ideal clients

If the connection between the base chakra energy and your voice is unstable, you’ll feel unsafe about speaking up for yourself and your needs. But you can use your voice to support you in feeling safe and balance the base chakra. You can activate the life force energy and get it moving rather than be at the mercy of the fear.


Feeling safe to speak your truth


Many women don’t feel safe to speak their truth. But we are meant to express our individuality, the truth of our vision and our message – not hide away in the herd.


When it comes to business, it is crucial to learn how to use your voice to either attract or repel. By playing it safe or playing small, you suppress your natural charisma and magnetism.


Yes, you are magnetic!


But are you closing down your attraction energy?


Magnetism attracts and we sometimes suppress our magnetic self because too much attention doesn’t feel safe. It’s time for us to get brave, get vital, unlock our magnetic energy flow and radiate our presence, letting everyone know about our purpose and the services we offer.


You are meant to share your message.


You are allowed to state your opinion.


Everyone has one, and by sharing it, we can grow. But when you’re fearful, you’re more likely to say something socially acceptable, or say nothing at all. Your voice will fear saying something that feels unsafe or vulnerable. It stops you from sharing your deep feelings, your heartfelt message, particularly if they make you feel vulnerable, guilty or ashamed.


The job of the base chakra voice is to keep you safe. But at the same time, there are powers that flow through the base chakra. By shutting down your voice out of fear, you will shut down your joy and vitality too.


To free the base chakra voice, you need to connect with joy and with vital energising practices. But most importantly, you need to feel the fear and speak through it.


Clearing the fear


To let go of these irrelevant primal fears, you need to counter the belief of ‘I won’t survive’ with ‘I am safe’.

“I am safe’ is the starting point for transforming the fear of speaking up. There are some simple ways to clear the fear using your voice that are fun and effective.

Try:

  • Growling

  • Ho’opono pono Mantra

  • Power posing and laughing

  • Jumping up and down on the soles of your feet while letting the voice sound

  • Chanting

  • Gorilla chest beating and Tarzan yodelling

  • Howling

  • Laying with your belly on the earth and breathing

  • Walking round your house saying out loud “I am safe. It is safe to be me. This is my house. I am allowed to be powerful and speak my truth. I am safe.”

These will shift the frequency of the base chakra away from fear and into a place of power. The base chakra is very physical and affects the physical voice in a way that feels scary or fabulous.


Let’s make speaking feel fabulous and unlock our power and light!


Dominique Oyston - October 2018




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